A Gentlemen’s Duel

Two men fighting over a wealthy woman for her heart (and a few other things) with giant metal steam-powered ‘Mech-like machines. What more can a guy ask for (other than the woman’s private phone number, of course)? Delightfully witty yet hilarious, “A Gentlemen’s Duel” is an action-packed sci-fi comedy set in the 19th century that pits a pompous and arrogant Frenchman, the Marquis Dubois, against a very tired looking yet deeply troubled Engishman named Weatherby.

The movie short begins with Weatherby being invited over for tea, only to have his dreams of courting the weathy beauty shattered by the appearance of the elitist Marquis Dubois. They quickly start fighting over what to serve — at first tea or coffee, followed by the Marquis’ suggestion of champaigne, which Weatherby quickly derides as the French recipe for romance. As it always appears to be, when two men are fighting over the love of a woman, it’s usually the woman who loses. In this case, her dignity as she gets assaulted from both sides (mainly by the frustrated Englishman and the flower pot that falls from the top of her estate) without either Weatherby or Dubois noticing.

After Weatherby challenges Dubois to the gentleman’s duel, the two men meet “on the field of honor”. Rather than selecting their weapons, walking ten or twenty paces and turning to shoot, they instead run off into the forest. The ground begins to shake, and then the forest gives way to two ornately decorated steam-powered ‘Mechs that appear to have been built with 19th century technology. The two machines stop and pop their hatches open so the two duelists can hurl insults at each other. Weatherby promises that the Marquis will trouble the lady no longer and calls him a scoundrel, while Dubois notes that his little dog, Fifi, can smell the fear… in your pants.

Then the battle begins. Weatherby tells the Marquis Dubois that his crotch-sniffing lackey will pay, then throws a busted Cupid statue at the Marquis’ ‘Mech. While Weatherby and Dubois are tearing the place apart, the butler is doing everything he can to protect the woman, even going so far as to block falling debris with a tiny umbrella. When he calls the duelists for tea, they depart their ‘Mechs in mid-battle, enjoy their break, and then quickly resume the fight.

After a “shocking” display of fortitude by Weatherby (and I do mean shocking, as in mutual electrocution via electric eel), the high-strung Englishman and his elitist French counterpart tear into each other’s ‘Mechs, causing a large explosion that destroys the courtyard in front of the woman’s mansion. The Marquis’ dog, Fifi, gets the last blow in as she gets shot from a cannon and lands on Weatherby’s face. She barks at him, then lifts her hind leg and does what all dogs do best — marks her territory. On his face. When the two men crawl out of their wrecked hulks, they notice the woman’s boot under a pile of rubble, and think that they both had killed her. So in typical cowardly fashion, they look at each other, decide that they don’t want to stick around, and get the hell out of Dodge.

The credits begin to roll, with Fifi wandering around the grounds, eventually making her way to the bushes near the forest. Some rustling is heard in the bushes, and as she looks up, the butler — wearing nothing but his tie — comes up with a heavenly grin on his face. He quickly notices the dog and throws a boot at Fifi, only to have the beautiful woman stand up, grab the butler by the tie, and pull him back down behind the bushes…

In the end, I guess you really can say that the butler did it… or her in this case. So, what do you think?